Monday, June 17, 2013

My Old Friend

Am I falling in love with you through my dreams? I can't seem to sleep two nights without dreaming that you and I have found our way back not just to our old friendship but to a new and broader relationship.

I am severely disturbed that I might be capable of idiocy such as falling in love with someone because dreamland told me it was so. I knew there was a part of me disconnected from reality, but perhaps I underestimated just how large a part of me was so afflicted.

The thing is, I lost the only person I've ever actually been in love with because I ran astray trying to get your friendship back. Maybe I'm wrong, but per my best judgment, I have already found the love of my life. He has now been married for almost a year to someone else. I lost him because I fell into the gravity generated by your presence in my life. You are... You were, after all, a part of me outside of me. But I was not in love with you. What, then, do I make of these dreams?

Yes, my most rational opinion is that I have already found and lost forever the love of my life. But, what if, just what if, you could be the life of my love?


A common friend says he wants to shake you and tell you to be more passionate. Because he knows that's what appeals to me. Personally, I'm a little shaken that he knows me so well. And personally, I'm not so sure what would happen if you were, in fact, that passionate.

To be fair, perhaps you already are, and as you say, communication isn't your forte. But what do I do? I only know what I know. I don't guess and I don't conjecture and I don't assume.

Here's what you need to know. not me. not me. not me. I don't assume you care if you choose to say nothing. I don't assume you have understood if you indicate nothing to that effect. I don't assume you can deal with me if you don't show it. More importantly, I don't assume you'd want to deal with me if you don't convince me.